ReFUGE.

So, I was reading my best friend's blog, and i cried like every couple posts. I have no idea why. I just want out. I layed in my closet cause I go there to think, sleep, pray, cry. Anything. It's my refuge. Thought: two of my best friends layed in it this week. I wish they were here. Anyways, lately, I haven't been myself. I have, but I just don't know anymore. My mom used to be my best friend. I told her everything. Now, I don't like when she's home. I want to yell bad words at her because she pisses me off. I hope it's just a stupid teenage phase.
Another thing I noticed is I neverwant to skate anymore. It's not the same as it used to be. I don't think it's fun anymore. I hate thinking that. I don't want it to be just another thing I've quit. I've quit a lot.
I want to be myself again. To not have mental breakdowns every month and a half about. To spend more time with Lexie. To not get angry every time I talk to my mom. To not want to leave so badly. To not say bad words. Just be me.

On opposite poles of the planet.

My mom wants me to have a cliché romance. She wants me to fall in love like the movies: with the person everyone knows you're going to fall in love with. I don't want to fall in love like that. I want to fall in love with the least likely person. Someone that even I'll be surprised for falling in love with. I want to experience everything. I want to live with no fear. No restraints.
Im tired of these lectures about keeping jobs and concert choices. Let me go. I don't want to be like my mom. She doesn't know me at all. If I ever start acting like her, someone please tell me. She's so freaking traditional. She is the epitamy of traditional. It's so frustrating.
She makes SO MANY excuses for EVERYTHING. UGGGGGHHHHHH. She tries to shelter me. I am not sheltered. I never do anything bad, but she thinks I'm the worst kid ever for getting a B or not wanting to do something or forgetting to pick up a piece of paper. I don't constantly think of cleaning. There's always a freaking lot on my mind.