I can't help but thinking about how much has changed and how much is still going to change before time comes to an almost stand still. I wish there was someway to have some sort of clue what is going to happen in the future.
Kyle and I were talking one night and i told him i thought i was afraid of the dark. I'm sixteen, and afraid of the dark. I also said how i just don't like to not be able to tell where i'm going like on the ride at silver dollar city that got dark and i hated it. that's when i realized that's exactly how i am with the future. it's dark, and i'm very afraid.
he also said how he hates talking or thinking about the future, but it's like ninety percent of my thoughts all the time and i just can't help it because i want to figure it out. like you can't just not think about it because it's coming and you have to have at least a vague idea of what you want of are going to do.
right now, i want to graduate, move out, college, marriage, and that's what i have.

a little over a month until this year is over. it's kind of bittersweet. this year has been filled with so many firsts and memories and bad but very good things but i just think i'm ready for it to be over. i'm ready for the possibility of a new years kiss and skating again. also with next year come my senior year and europe and new adventures with my new shoes and nicer clothes that i bought to put a stop to tshirts and jeans. it means two years with my boy, but that's also the time where it seems like most couples end so i'm scared. it means applying for college and looking for places to live. one year until i leave this house. all of this is hitting me now and i'm panicking.

i'm the type of person who has to have my shit together always and that almost never works out for me.