It's a good feeling

Talks of Jesus.
Talks of hating your mom's boyfriend.
Talks of bad relationships.
Talks of people.
Talks of your past.
Talks of your sister.
Talks of that mean girl.
Talks of moving out.
Talks of love sparks.
Talks of what certain songs are about.
Talks of dreams.

Late at night. Never wanting to stop talking. Blissful.

I'm having one of those nights.

You know those nights where you know you could cry really hard for a long time? Where you almost want to because you know it'd make you feel a lot better. Just a huge mental breakdown for no reason.

Defiant

It's two in the morning. You're driving home with the guy you fall hard for. Sitting in the backseat. He's holding you, and you're falling asleep in his arms. You don't speak. You listen to the music. There's not a worry in your mind. Life could stay like this forever. Just driving. He kisses your head. You're wondering if he really did, or if you were dreaming. It's the feeling of bliss. His brother gets to your house, but you don't want to leave. You hug, and walk inside. You're shaking from happiness. Dizzy. Can't stop smiling. You're mom comes in, and you have to control your smile from being too great. She leaves, and he calls. Bliss.
Your best friend gets out of the shower at two thirthy in the morning, says "lets go," and pulls you out your window. You have no idea what she's doing, but you go with it. The two of you run to the big intersection around the corner. You stand under the stoplight and dance. You both turn and sprint the way home, dive into the window. You defied gravity. It was bliss.

Okay.

My friend and I didn't get the point of being fourteen. It's dumb. You can't drive, you can't have a job. You're so restrained by so many things. I talked to my other friend about it the other night.
She told me that fourteen was the year you find out who you are. You realize who your true friends are, and that you honestly don't know what to do with your life.
When I was fourteen, everything changed.
So much happened.
Completely different friends.
First boyfriends.
First kisses.
Losing friends.
Making the best friends I could imagine.
Realizing you don't know everything about a person.
First cuss words.
Big drama.
High school.
Switching schools.
Losing interest.
Before this year, I didn't even know four of my seven best friends. I can't imagine not knowing them now.
At fifteen, I want to make life okay. It's a new start. I'm ready to see what it has in store for me.

14.

When I was fourteen, I kissed two boys that I wish could have been only one.
When I was fourteen, I met four of my seven best friends.
When I was fourteen, I fell in love.
When I was fourteen, I had my first friend with benefits.
When I was fourteen, I lost a lot of friends. 
When I was fourteen, I changed schools.
When I was fourteen, I started to blog.
When I was fourteen, I said I love you and meant it.
When I was fourteen, I snuck out my window at 2:30 with my best friend.
When I was fourteen, I filled up my iPod.
When I was fourteen, I pulled my first all nighter.
When I was fourteen, I talked on the phone for five hours.
When I was fourteen, I didn't care about my hair.
When I was fourteen, I realized family is most certainly not restricted to blood relatives.
When I was fourteen, I said my first cuss word.
When I was fourteen, my taste in music changed drastically.
When I was fourteen, I loved summer.
When I was fourteen, nothing stopped me.
When I was fourteen, I had my first Red Bull.
When I was fourteen, I met my mom and my Soul Sister.
When I was fourteen, I stopped skating.
When I was fourteen, I learned I could survive off of two hours of sleep.
When I was fourteen, I stopped eating breakfast.
When I was fourteen, I moshed with two of my best friends.
When I was fourteen, I fell in love with my mountains.
When I was fourteen, I slept in my closet.
When I was fourteen, I found the meaning of being fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I was a movie junkie.
When I was fourteen, I made perverted jokes.
When I was fourteen. I knew stuff I wasn't supposed to know about people.
When I was fourteen, my sister got married.
When I was fourteen, I belonged.
When I was fourteen, I got my braces off.
When I was fourteen, I didn't go to Loughridge.
When I was fourteen, I made a list of men I'm in love with.
When I was fourteen, I became a River.
When I was fourteen, I wished. A lot.
When I was fourteen, my friend group completely changed.
When I was fourteen, I had 24 nicknames.
When I was fourteen, I almost fell out of a tree.
When I was fourteen, I measured my life in love sparks.
When I was fourteen, I bought a box of condoms.
When I was fourteen, I was all for illegal.
When I was fourteen, I like to wear dresses and skirts.
When I was fourteen, I had lots of bracelets.
When I was fourteen, it seemed like everyone knew where I lived.
When I was fourteen, I climbed through windows all the time.
When I was fourteen, I hated high school.
When I was fourteen, I hated being fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I made out with a boy on my roof.
When I was fourteen, I got engaged in a Barnes and Noble bookstore children's section.
When I was fourteen, I realized I had no freaking idea what I wanted to do with my life.
When I was fourteen, I made more friends than I had.
When I was fourteen, concerts were like my drug.
When I was fourteen, I never got bored.
When I was fourteen, I danced under a stoplight.

9 inches.

I just want to say, I hate that I dated you. Frealz. You gross me out. I also hate hearing about you, like when people talk about you. Kaybye.

Swinging in the rain, humming melodies.

People ask, all the time, what girls look for in a guy. Here's my answer.

I want a guy that will like all my little quarks. He'll be okay with just going with it sometimes. He'll be spontaneous, and adventuresome. He won't care what others think of him. He'll just hold me when I want him to, and not even have to talk. He won't be awkward in silence, but we'll almost never run out of conversation. He'll be the one that makes me happy no matter what. A guy that loves to smile, and will tell me his thoughts. He'll walk into my life, and change it forever. Never leave. He will love Jesus with all his heart. He'll dance with me and kiss me in the rain. I won't have to worry about impressing him or feeling the need to be "normal" around him. We'll take goofy pictures for fun. He'll be my best friend. I'll tell him everything without having to worry about everyone knowing the next day. He'll treat me with respect. He'll want to kiss me. And won't make me do things I don't want to do. He'll love laying in the grass watching the stars, and taking walks late at night. He'll call me beautiful even when I feel ugly. He'll hold me when I'm upset, and most of all, he'll love me for who I am, and won't change for anyone.

Guys, I think I know who I just described.