With skating, I felt powerful. Knowing and feeling the power underneath the two blades made me so happy. I could do whatever I wanted with just a small turn of my skate or a hop. It was wonderful. I was confident with what I could do.
With skating, I could skate anything away. If I was having a bad day, I wouldn't want to skate, but I did and I always felt better. I was happy. I could dig my toepicks into the ice with a jump or spin as fast as I could where I couldn't think anymore. If I was happy, I would skate with everything I had. Those were the best days. The days I wasn't lazy. I could actually do everything.
With skating, I didn't have to worry about others bringing me down with my competitions. Sounds conceited. I know. But I've never been a team player. I am too competitive. It was perfect.
With skating, everything changed. So many people left. The rink was a different place taken over by the small children with big skating egos. I truly didn't like the rink. My coach of four years left. It broke my heart. I cried when I saw her again. She lit up my life.
With skating, I've never regretted losing something so much. It was my passion. Almost my life. Not anything like the movie skaters, but my life nonetheless.
With skating, I've never cried or thought about anything so much. I've never needed to do something so badly.
Now it's time to stop whining and do something about it. I will skate again, and it will be soon.
11.09.2010
11.07.2010
"I love you."
"I love you too.. A lot."
"I love you more."
"No."
"I love you more than there are acorns on the trampoline."
"I love you more than there are stars in the sky."
"HA. It's Oklahoma. I win!"
"Noooo."
"I'd say my last one but I'll save it when we go to the beach.. I'm pretty sure you know what I'd say now."
"Yeah. :)"
"I love you too.. A lot."
"I love you more."
"No."
"I love you more than there are acorns on the trampoline."
"I love you more than there are stars in the sky."
"HA. It's Oklahoma. I win!"
"Noooo."
"I'd say my last one but I'll save it when we go to the beach.. I'm pretty sure you know what I'd say now."
"Yeah. :)"
10.22.2010
Ian Silver.
I never knew anything I said to or around him ever really got to him. Not like got to him. But just I never knew he would think about anything I said until I read his blog. I've always thought I was just "Kyle's friend" or something like that. He thinks I'm a slut. I know it. He tells me. You know. It's our friendship. For real, it seems I'm always happiest riding in his car. Make what you want of that statement, Lex. But really, the people, the atmosphere, the music. Everything's always perfect. Even if he has to "keep his eyes forward for the sake of humanity." I'm not a slut! I promise! But anyways, that's kind of all I wanted to say. HI IAN.
9.10.2010
Love is madness.
People always say they want to know what Love is. They go to websites and books to try to learn. I truly do not think anything can tell you what Love is. You have to find out what Love is. On your own. In my fifteen years, I've learned that Love isn't just limited to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
Love is the feeling of God completely wrapped around you. Knowing that great Love is indescribable. It's warming and a huge comfort. You have faith in your future. An agape Love.
Love is you and your best friend talking at her locker after school. About your day. About anything that comes to mind. Simply talking. Bonding. Learning even more about her even after five years of being best friends.
Love is staying up late on the phone with your best guy friend, and realizing you're in Love with him. It's that feeling of never wanting to leave that person. That comfortableness you have with him. You could never get tired of him. It's Loving him even if people say you're too young or it's just an infatuation. It's believing Love can withstand.
These are examples of Love I've found. I'm certain the Love you find won't be exactly like mine. Like I said, you have to find it on your own. It's a journey, and I'm still learning what Love is.
Love is the feeling of God completely wrapped around you. Knowing that great Love is indescribable. It's warming and a huge comfort. You have faith in your future. An agape Love.
Love is you and your best friend talking at her locker after school. About your day. About anything that comes to mind. Simply talking. Bonding. Learning even more about her even after five years of being best friends.
Love is staying up late on the phone with your best guy friend, and realizing you're in Love with him. It's that feeling of never wanting to leave that person. That comfortableness you have with him. You could never get tired of him. It's Loving him even if people say you're too young or it's just an infatuation. It's believing Love can withstand.
These are examples of Love I've found. I'm certain the Love you find won't be exactly like mine. Like I said, you have to find it on your own. It's a journey, and I'm still learning what Love is.
8.08.2010
It's a good feeling
Talks of Jesus.
Talks of hating your mom's boyfriend.
Talks of bad relationships.
Talks of people.
Talks of your past.
Talks of your sister.
Talks of that mean girl.
Talks of moving out.
Talks of love sparks.
Talks of what certain songs are about.
Talks of dreams.
Late at night. Never wanting to stop talking. Blissful.
Talks of hating your mom's boyfriend.
Talks of bad relationships.
Talks of people.
Talks of your past.
Talks of your sister.
Talks of that mean girl.
Talks of moving out.
Talks of love sparks.
Talks of what certain songs are about.
Talks of dreams.
Late at night. Never wanting to stop talking. Blissful.
8.07.2010
I'm having one of those nights.
You know those nights where you know you could cry really hard for a long time? Where you almost want to because you know it'd make you feel a lot better. Just a huge mental breakdown for no reason.
8.03.2010
Defiant
It's two in the morning. You're driving home with the guy you fall hard for. Sitting in the backseat. He's holding you, and you're falling asleep in his arms. You don't speak. You listen to the music. There's not a worry in your mind. Life could stay like this forever. Just driving. He kisses your head. You're wondering if he really did, or if you were dreaming. It's the feeling of bliss. His brother gets to your house, but you don't want to leave. You hug, and walk inside. You're shaking from happiness. Dizzy. Can't stop smiling. You're mom comes in, and you have to control your smile from being too great. She leaves, and he calls. Bliss.
Your best friend gets out of the shower at two thirthy in the morning, says "lets go," and pulls you out your window. You have no idea what she's doing, but you go with it. The two of you run to the big intersection around the corner. You stand under the stoplight and dance. You both turn and sprint the way home, dive into the window. You defied gravity. It was bliss.
Your best friend gets out of the shower at two thirthy in the morning, says "lets go," and pulls you out your window. You have no idea what she's doing, but you go with it. The two of you run to the big intersection around the corner. You stand under the stoplight and dance. You both turn and sprint the way home, dive into the window. You defied gravity. It was bliss.
7.26.2010
Okay.
My friend and I didn't get the point of being fourteen. It's dumb. You can't drive, you can't have a job. You're so restrained by so many things. I talked to my other friend about it the other night.
She told me that fourteen was the year you find out who you are. You realize who your true friends are, and that you honestly don't know what to do with your life.
When I was fourteen, everything changed.
So much happened.
Completely different friends.
First boyfriends.
First kisses.
Losing friends.
Making the best friends I could imagine.
Realizing you don't know everything about a person.
First cuss words.
Big drama.
High school.
Switching schools.
Losing interest.
Before this year, I didn't even know four of my seven best friends. I can't imagine not knowing them now.
At fifteen, I want to make life okay. It's a new start. I'm ready to see what it has in store for me.
She told me that fourteen was the year you find out who you are. You realize who your true friends are, and that you honestly don't know what to do with your life.
When I was fourteen, everything changed.
So much happened.
Completely different friends.
First boyfriends.
First kisses.
Losing friends.
Making the best friends I could imagine.
Realizing you don't know everything about a person.
First cuss words.
Big drama.
High school.
Switching schools.
Losing interest.
Before this year, I didn't even know four of my seven best friends. I can't imagine not knowing them now.
At fifteen, I want to make life okay. It's a new start. I'm ready to see what it has in store for me.
7.24.2010
14.
When I was fourteen, I kissed two boys that I wish could have been only one.
When I was fourteen, I met four of my seven best friends.
When I was fourteen, I fell in love.
When I was fourteen, I had my first friend with benefits.
When I was fourteen, I lost a lot of friends.
When I was fourteen, I changed schools.
When I was fourteen, I started to blog.
When I was fourteen, I said I love you and meant it.
When I was fourteen, I snuck out my window at 2:30 with my best friend.
When I was fourteen, I filled up my iPod.
When I was fourteen, I pulled my first all nighter.
When I was fourteen, I talked on the phone for five hours.
When I was fourteen, I didn't care about my hair.
When I was fourteen, I realized family is most certainly not restricted to blood relatives.
When I was fourteen, I said my first cuss word.
When I was fourteen, my taste in music changed drastically.
When I was fourteen, I loved summer.
When I was fourteen, nothing stopped me.
When I was fourteen, I had my first Red Bull.
When I was fourteen, I met my mom and my Soul Sister.
When I was fourteen, I stopped skating.
When I was fourteen, I learned I could survive off of two hours of sleep.
When I was fourteen, I stopped eating breakfast.
When I was fourteen, I moshed with two of my best friends.
When I was fourteen, I fell in love with my mountains.
When I was fourteen, I slept in my closet.
When I was fourteen, I found the meaning of being fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I was a movie junkie.
When I was fourteen, I made perverted jokes.
When I was fourteen. I knew stuff I wasn't supposed to know about people.
When I was fourteen, my sister got married.
When I was fourteen, I belonged.
When I was fourteen, I got my braces off.
When I was fourteen, I didn't go to Loughridge.
When I was fourteen, I made a list of men I'm in love with.
When I was fourteen, I became a River.
When I was fourteen, I wished. A lot.
When I was fourteen, my friend group completely changed.
When I was fourteen, I had 24 nicknames.
When I was fourteen, I almost fell out of a tree.
When I was fourteen, I measured my life in love sparks.
When I was fourteen, I bought a box of condoms.
When I was fourteen, I was all for illegal.
When I was fourteen, I like to wear dresses and skirts.
When I was fourteen, I had lots of bracelets.
When I was fourteen, it seemed like everyone knew where I lived.
When I was fourteen, I climbed through windows all the time.
When I was fourteen, I hated high school.
When I was fourteen, I hated being fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I made out with a boy on my roof.
When I was fourteen, I got engaged in a Barnes and Noble bookstore children's section.
When I was fourteen, I realized I had no freaking idea what I wanted to do with my life.
When I was fourteen, I made more friends than I had.
When I was fourteen, concerts were like my drug.
When I was fourteen, I never got bored.
When I was fourteen, I danced under a stoplight.
When I was fourteen, I met four of my seven best friends.
When I was fourteen, I fell in love.
When I was fourteen, I had my first friend with benefits.
When I was fourteen, I lost a lot of friends.
When I was fourteen, I changed schools.
When I was fourteen, I started to blog.
When I was fourteen, I said I love you and meant it.
When I was fourteen, I snuck out my window at 2:30 with my best friend.
When I was fourteen, I filled up my iPod.
When I was fourteen, I pulled my first all nighter.
When I was fourteen, I talked on the phone for five hours.
When I was fourteen, I didn't care about my hair.
When I was fourteen, I realized family is most certainly not restricted to blood relatives.
When I was fourteen, I said my first cuss word.
When I was fourteen, my taste in music changed drastically.
When I was fourteen, I loved summer.
When I was fourteen, nothing stopped me.
When I was fourteen, I had my first Red Bull.
When I was fourteen, I met my mom and my Soul Sister.
When I was fourteen, I stopped skating.
When I was fourteen, I learned I could survive off of two hours of sleep.
When I was fourteen, I stopped eating breakfast.
When I was fourteen, I moshed with two of my best friends.
When I was fourteen, I fell in love with my mountains.
When I was fourteen, I slept in my closet.
When I was fourteen, I found the meaning of being fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I was a movie junkie.
When I was fourteen, I made perverted jokes.
When I was fourteen. I knew stuff I wasn't supposed to know about people.
When I was fourteen, my sister got married.
When I was fourteen, I belonged.
When I was fourteen, I got my braces off.
When I was fourteen, I didn't go to Loughridge.
When I was fourteen, I made a list of men I'm in love with.
When I was fourteen, I became a River.
When I was fourteen, I wished. A lot.
When I was fourteen, my friend group completely changed.
When I was fourteen, I had 24 nicknames.
When I was fourteen, I almost fell out of a tree.
When I was fourteen, I measured my life in love sparks.
When I was fourteen, I bought a box of condoms.
When I was fourteen, I was all for illegal.
When I was fourteen, I like to wear dresses and skirts.
When I was fourteen, I had lots of bracelets.
When I was fourteen, it seemed like everyone knew where I lived.
When I was fourteen, I climbed through windows all the time.
When I was fourteen, I hated high school.
When I was fourteen, I hated being fourteen.
When I was fourteen, I made out with a boy on my roof.
When I was fourteen, I got engaged in a Barnes and Noble bookstore children's section.
When I was fourteen, I realized I had no freaking idea what I wanted to do with my life.
When I was fourteen, I made more friends than I had.
When I was fourteen, concerts were like my drug.
When I was fourteen, I never got bored.
When I was fourteen, I danced under a stoplight.
7.19.2010
9 inches.
I just want to say, I hate that I dated you. Frealz. You gross me out. I also hate hearing about you, like when people talk about you. Kaybye.
7.16.2010
Swinging in the rain, humming melodies.
People ask, all the time, what girls look for in a guy. Here's my answer.
I want a guy that will like all my little quarks. He'll be okay with just going with it sometimes. He'll be spontaneous, and adventuresome. He won't care what others think of him. He'll just hold me when I want him to, and not even have to talk. He won't be awkward in silence, but we'll almost never run out of conversation. He'll be the one that makes me happy no matter what. A guy that loves to smile, and will tell me his thoughts. He'll walk into my life, and change it forever. Never leave. He will love Jesus with all his heart. He'll dance with me and kiss me in the rain. I won't have to worry about impressing him or feeling the need to be "normal" around him. We'll take goofy pictures for fun. He'll be my best friend. I'll tell him everything without having to worry about everyone knowing the next day. He'll treat me with respect. He'll want to kiss me. And won't make me do things I don't want to do. He'll love laying in the grass watching the stars, and taking walks late at night. He'll call me beautiful even when I feel ugly. He'll hold me when I'm upset, and most of all, he'll love me for who I am, and won't change for anyone.
Guys, I think I know who I just described.
I want a guy that will like all my little quarks. He'll be okay with just going with it sometimes. He'll be spontaneous, and adventuresome. He won't care what others think of him. He'll just hold me when I want him to, and not even have to talk. He won't be awkward in silence, but we'll almost never run out of conversation. He'll be the one that makes me happy no matter what. A guy that loves to smile, and will tell me his thoughts. He'll walk into my life, and change it forever. Never leave. He will love Jesus with all his heart. He'll dance with me and kiss me in the rain. I won't have to worry about impressing him or feeling the need to be "normal" around him. We'll take goofy pictures for fun. He'll be my best friend. I'll tell him everything without having to worry about everyone knowing the next day. He'll treat me with respect. He'll want to kiss me. And won't make me do things I don't want to do. He'll love laying in the grass watching the stars, and taking walks late at night. He'll call me beautiful even when I feel ugly. He'll hold me when I'm upset, and most of all, he'll love me for who I am, and won't change for anyone.
Guys, I think I know who I just described.
7.13.2010
...?Crunk Pugs?
B: IKINDALOVEYOUSHHHH
J: ILOVEYOUTOO *YELLS TO THE WORLD SO EVERYONE KNOWS I LOVE YOU*
B: <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 *LOVES YOU SO HARD*
J: OH BABY!!!! *LOVES YOU DOWN* :):)
B:DON'T LET ANYONE LOVE YOU DOWN!
UNLESS IT'S ME
<333
J: OKAY. I'LL SAVE MY BAWDY JUST FOR YOU!!!! ONLY YOU! EVERERRERERRR!!!!! <3<3
B: I'LL HOLD YOU TO YOUR WOOOOORD!
J: AIGHT :):)
JESUS WILL TOO!
B: I'M GAME!
J: GOTTA GETCHA GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME!
B: BABY COME BACK!
J: YOUR LOVES GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW
B: YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG
J: I KNOW I CAN MAKE YA SAY OOooOooOoOOOOOoOOoO
B: I CAN HAS PUGS?
J: I DONT HAS GET JOKE
:D:D
B: AWH PUGS
J: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!
JELLO
B: DRUNK RHYMES WITH CRINK
I MEAN CRUNK
J:HAHAHAHAHAHA
*HOLDS CAN OF CRUNK* LOOK. IM GETTTING CRUNK.
CRUNK=CRAZY DRUNK
B: *POURS CAN OF CRUNK ALL OVER HERSELF*
YOU DA CRAZY DRUNK
J: WET T-SHIRT CONTEST? :D:D
<3<3
B: HELLZ YES
YOU'LL WIN.
IKNOWIT
MMM
OOH
<3<3
J: HAHAHAHAHAH XD
BUT BUT BUT
WHAT IF....*WHISPERS* MY BOOBIES SHOW
o_o
B: THAT'S A PLUS!
WHAT?!!?1?1/1/!>1>1/.!?
J: YEHAH!! CAUSE BROOKLYN+BOOBIES= ...?CRUNK PUGS?
B: YEAH IT DOES
J: SOOO UHMM. YOU SINGLE?
B: YEAH. YOU LOOKIN? ;))
J: I'M SWIMMIN AMONGST THE FISHIES
B: PICK ME PICK ME
*PARTY BOYS YOU*
KAYLOVEYOUIMMASLEEP<333NICETALKMMMMMM
J: MMMM IMMA MISS YOU
SWEET DREAMS
<3<3
:):)
B: DREAM OF ME BABY
J: BACK AT YA BABILICIOUS
X)
B: MMM<3BYEE
J: :)))
J: ILOVEYOUTOO *YELLS TO THE WORLD SO EVERYONE KNOWS I LOVE YOU*
B: <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 *LOVES YOU SO HARD*
J: OH BABY!!!! *LOVES YOU DOWN* :):)
B:DON'T LET ANYONE LOVE YOU DOWN!
UNLESS IT'S ME
<333
J: OKAY. I'LL SAVE MY BAWDY JUST FOR YOU!!!! ONLY YOU! EVERERRERERRR!!!!! <3<3
B: I'LL HOLD YOU TO YOUR WOOOOORD!
J: AIGHT :):)
JESUS WILL TOO!
B: I'M GAME!
J: GOTTA GETCHA GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME!
B: BABY COME BACK!
J: YOUR LOVES GOT ME LOOKING SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW
B: YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG
J: I KNOW I CAN MAKE YA SAY OOooOooOoOOOOOoOOoO
B: I CAN HAS PUGS?
J: I DONT HAS GET JOKE
:D:D
B: AWH PUGS
J: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!
JELLO
B: DRUNK RHYMES WITH CRINK
I MEAN CRUNK
J:HAHAHAHAHAHA
*HOLDS CAN OF CRUNK* LOOK. IM GETTTING CRUNK.
CRUNK=CRAZY DRUNK
B: *POURS CAN OF CRUNK ALL OVER HERSELF*
YOU DA CRAZY DRUNK
J: WET T-SHIRT CONTEST? :D:D
<3<3
B: HELLZ YES
YOU'LL WIN.
IKNOWIT
MMM
OOH
<3<3
J: HAHAHAHAHAH XD
BUT BUT BUT
WHAT IF....*WHISPERS* MY BOOBIES SHOW
o_o
B: THAT'S A PLUS!
WHAT?!!?1?1/1/!>1>1/.!?
J: YEHAH!! CAUSE BROOKLYN+BOOBIES= ...?CRUNK PUGS?
B: YEAH IT DOES
J: SOOO UHMM. YOU SINGLE?
B: YEAH. YOU LOOKIN? ;))
J: I'M SWIMMIN AMONGST THE FISHIES
B: PICK ME PICK ME
*PARTY BOYS YOU*
KAYLOVEYOUIMMASLEEP<333NICETALKMMMMMM
J: MMMM IMMA MISS YOU
SWEET DREAMS
<3<3
:):)
B: DREAM OF ME BABY
J: BACK AT YA BABILICIOUS
X)
B: MMM<3BYEE
J: :)))
7.01.2010
5.28.2010
ReFUGE.
So, I was reading my best friend's blog, and i cried like every couple posts. I have no idea why. I just want out. I layed in my closet cause I go there to think, sleep, pray, cry. Anything. It's my refuge. Thought: two of my best friends layed in it this week. I wish they were here. Anyways, lately, I haven't been myself. I have, but I just don't know anymore. My mom used to be my best friend. I told her everything. Now, I don't like when she's home. I want to yell bad words at her because she pisses me off. I hope it's just a stupid teenage phase.
Another thing I noticed is I neverwant to skate anymore. It's not the same as it used to be. I don't think it's fun anymore. I hate thinking that. I don't want it to be just another thing I've quit. I've quit a lot.
I want to be myself again. To not have mental breakdowns every month and a half about. To spend more time with Lexie. To not get angry every time I talk to my mom. To not want to leave so badly. To not say bad words. Just be me.
Another thing I noticed is I neverwant to skate anymore. It's not the same as it used to be. I don't think it's fun anymore. I hate thinking that. I don't want it to be just another thing I've quit. I've quit a lot.
I want to be myself again. To not have mental breakdowns every month and a half about. To spend more time with Lexie. To not get angry every time I talk to my mom. To not want to leave so badly. To not say bad words. Just be me.
5.23.2010
On opposite poles of the planet.
My mom wants me to have a cliché romance. She wants me to fall in love like the movies: with the person everyone knows you're going to fall in love with. I don't want to fall in love like that. I want to fall in love with the least likely person. Someone that even I'll be surprised for falling in love with. I want to experience everything. I want to live with no fear. No restraints.
Im tired of these lectures about keeping jobs and concert choices. Let me go. I don't want to be like my mom. She doesn't know me at all. If I ever start acting like her, someone please tell me. She's so freaking traditional. She is the epitamy of traditional. It's so frustrating.
She makes SO MANY excuses for EVERYTHING. UGGGGGHHHHHH. She tries to shelter me. I am not sheltered. I never do anything bad, but she thinks I'm the worst kid ever for getting a B or not wanting to do something or forgetting to pick up a piece of paper. I don't constantly think of cleaning. There's always a freaking lot on my mind.
Im tired of these lectures about keeping jobs and concert choices. Let me go. I don't want to be like my mom. She doesn't know me at all. If I ever start acting like her, someone please tell me. She's so freaking traditional. She is the epitamy of traditional. It's so frustrating.
She makes SO MANY excuses for EVERYTHING. UGGGGGHHHHHH. She tries to shelter me. I am not sheltered. I never do anything bad, but she thinks I'm the worst kid ever for getting a B or not wanting to do something or forgetting to pick up a piece of paper. I don't constantly think of cleaning. There's always a freaking lot on my mind.
4.09.2010
Bliss
Recently, it seems like everything has been going right. I mean, after the last couple months of everything going wrong, things are going right now. It all started around last Wednesday's revival, and things have just gotten better. :)
3.29.2010
The best feeling in the world
is being a best friend.
That sound's quite cliché, but it's true. :)
My Wind. :)
Lizard. :)
Soul Sister. :)
Mama JJ. :)
That sound's quite cliché, but it's true. :)
My Wind. :)
Lizard. :)
Soul Sister. :)
Mama JJ. :)
3.28.2010
Just hold up
Not a day goes by where I don't think about it. Everything that happened. I still don't know what's really going on. I'm still looking for the truth. I want to see you and ask you, but I'm afraid you might lie. You lied somewhere along this road, I just haven't found out where. I want to slap sense into you. Someone has to. I know I don't have the guts to confront you, but I would if I did. I just wish I could read minds. I'd know so much about everyone. I want to know that you're going to be alright. I don't like hearing about stupid things you like to do or say. You break my heart. You have so much potential. You could do so much better. You're just LAZY. If you had some sort of motivation, would you even try?
Do you have any sense at all? UGH.
Do you have any sense at all? UGH.
3.25.2010
On the verge of a mental breakdown
It seems like almost every possible bad thing has happened since maybe a month or two ago. I mean seriously.
Lexie got mono. Scott crap happened. My friend's dad died. Alex crap came up. My friend's best friend smoked pot again. And now my best friend is in the hospital.
A month ago, pretty much to the minute, I broke up with Scott because I figure out he's kinda a douche. I got over that quickly. Last Friday, my friend's dad died of a heart attack. She didn't have the best relationship with her dad, and he didn't have the best relationship with God. It's all so sad. Now anger's coming. Well, Alex was the biggest douche to Lexie last night. He said he has a reason for it. There is absolutely NO REASON to be a douche. Ever. That all I have to say on that topic. Not really, but I'm stopping myself. ANYWAYS, the next thing that happened was my friend's best friend smoked pot again after five months of not doing it. I hate seeing my friends that disappointed in someone. And as of right now, my best friend is laying in a hospital bed connected to tubes and scanners. I want to be here so badly. My mom took me away. It's because of her mono. Her spleen started hurting in church. She left to go to the emergency room. I was texting her in church to make sure she was okay. She said something about surgery that made me want to cry. I came home and cried for a good thirty minutes out of anger and wanting to be with her and probably a lot of locked up emotions. My mom didn't seem to understand that having your best friend in the hospital is a big deal. Tomorrow is my friend's dad's funeral. That's going to be kind of hard. I hope I'm not all cried out. I don't want to go and look bitter and stuff. I'm sure seeing my friends cry will make me cry. It always does.
All that happening and I still feel pretty happy. It's all God, really. Yes, I get angry and sad and such, but life is pretty good. I have friends and family that love me, and an almighty God up in Heaven that will always be there.
Lexie got mono. Scott crap happened. My friend's dad died. Alex crap came up. My friend's best friend smoked pot again. And now my best friend is in the hospital.
A month ago, pretty much to the minute, I broke up with Scott because I figure out he's kinda a douche. I got over that quickly. Last Friday, my friend's dad died of a heart attack. She didn't have the best relationship with her dad, and he didn't have the best relationship with God. It's all so sad. Now anger's coming. Well, Alex was the biggest douche to Lexie last night. He said he has a reason for it. There is absolutely NO REASON to be a douche. Ever. That all I have to say on that topic. Not really, but I'm stopping myself. ANYWAYS, the next thing that happened was my friend's best friend smoked pot again after five months of not doing it. I hate seeing my friends that disappointed in someone. And as of right now, my best friend is laying in a hospital bed connected to tubes and scanners. I want to be here so badly. My mom took me away. It's because of her mono. Her spleen started hurting in church. She left to go to the emergency room. I was texting her in church to make sure she was okay. She said something about surgery that made me want to cry. I came home and cried for a good thirty minutes out of anger and wanting to be with her and probably a lot of locked up emotions. My mom didn't seem to understand that having your best friend in the hospital is a big deal. Tomorrow is my friend's dad's funeral. That's going to be kind of hard. I hope I'm not all cried out. I don't want to go and look bitter and stuff. I'm sure seeing my friends cry will make me cry. It always does.
All that happening and I still feel pretty happy. It's all God, really. Yes, I get angry and sad and such, but life is pretty good. I have friends and family that love me, and an almighty God up in Heaven that will always be there.
3.13.2010
Thoughts... DOTS.
The other day I got to thinking about everything. Life. Changes. Past. Present.
We're growing up. Seriously. All my friends that I've known forever have change so much. In good and bad ways, to be honest. I've changed too. I'm not just ragging on everyone. But really, In fourth grade, I never would have imagined my life like this. Going to victory. Having a niece. Being the slightest bit rebellious. Having a boyfriend. Breaking up with that boyfriend. Having new best friends that will, hopefully, last forever. Losing friends along the way. Making more friends.
I've made more friends at Bixby just this school year than all the people I know at victory in the three years I've been there. Some of these people include Catherine, Jordan, Davis (I knew of him, but became friend), Brittney, Alex, Dani, Caboose, Kyle, and Alicia (I knew her and Kyle, too).
The biggest changes I've seen have happened between summer and now. Wow. Lots of change.
We're growing up. It needs to stop. Rachel's in driver's ed. Liz is getting a job. Emily is driving. Man, it's all so weird. Lexie and I will be in driver's ed this summer AND hopefully working at Loughridge. This is a lot to take in.
I used to want to grow up. Now, I just want things to slow down. Yes, I'm excited to drive and get a job, but it's weird. You know?
Take it all in. That's what I'm going to do. I will savor it all.
We're growing up. Seriously. All my friends that I've known forever have change so much. In good and bad ways, to be honest. I've changed too. I'm not just ragging on everyone. But really, In fourth grade, I never would have imagined my life like this. Going to victory. Having a niece. Being the slightest bit rebellious. Having a boyfriend. Breaking up with that boyfriend. Having new best friends that will, hopefully, last forever. Losing friends along the way. Making more friends.
I've made more friends at Bixby just this school year than all the people I know at victory in the three years I've been there. Some of these people include Catherine, Jordan, Davis (I knew of him, but became friend), Brittney, Alex, Dani, Caboose, Kyle, and Alicia (I knew her and Kyle, too).
The biggest changes I've seen have happened between summer and now. Wow. Lots of change.
We're growing up. It needs to stop. Rachel's in driver's ed. Liz is getting a job. Emily is driving. Man, it's all so weird. Lexie and I will be in driver's ed this summer AND hopefully working at Loughridge. This is a lot to take in.
I used to want to grow up. Now, I just want things to slow down. Yes, I'm excited to drive and get a job, but it's weird. You know?
Take it all in. That's what I'm going to do. I will savor it all.
3.12.2010
For every minute you're angry, you lose a minute of happiness
So. True.
I've been angry kind of a lot lately. This is disappointing. It's just certain events have happened that made me so mad. I mean, some things are reasonable anger. Others are ugh. I shouldn't be able to get so angry so easily. It's not right.
I've been angry kind of a lot lately. This is disappointing. It's just certain events have happened that made me so mad. I mean, some things are reasonable anger. Others are ugh. I shouldn't be able to get so angry so easily. It's not right.
3.11.2010
There, There Katie.
Soooo, I'm terrified of shots. I don't know how I got this way, but I've been like this for a while. My mom just told me that she's making me get one for Meningitis. I about had a panic attack and I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. That is all.
3.09.2010
Smile though your heart is aching. :)
Th song Smile. Sang by a multiple artists. There's something about it that is bothering me. I don't understand what it is though. It could be the way I'm looking at it. From one point of view, it's telling you to hide your emotions. From another, it's saying don't give up.
Point of view 1:
Hide your emotions. (I have a problem with this sometimes. I'm pretty good at it, too.)
Don't tell people what's going on.
Put on a mask.
Crying is for babies. (That's a little extreme, but whatever. :P)
Sometimes, I tend to hide my emotions. I'm good at it, unfortunately. At times, I wish people would notice. I need to just vent or cry or do something, but I don't. I don't have the courage. I feel like I need to be strong all the time. At this moment, nothing is really bothering me (besides the song) in the way that I want to scream and cry. Crying can be refreshing. It could be over a stain on the carpet or a family member dying. Either way, if you need to, do it. I dare you.
Point of view 2:
Don't give up.
It's not worth it.
You can get through anything.
Don't be afraid.
It will be over soon.
I see this as a troubled time, like a depression or a break up or or a job loss. "No boy is worth crying for, and the one who is won't make you cry." I just had to add that. In this view, it's a great song with an uplifting spirit. It says, "You can do it. Everything's going to be alright." This view makes me like it. :)
That is all.
Point of view 1:
Hide your emotions. (I have a problem with this sometimes. I'm pretty good at it, too.)
Don't tell people what's going on.
Put on a mask.
Crying is for babies. (That's a little extreme, but whatever. :P)
Sometimes, I tend to hide my emotions. I'm good at it, unfortunately. At times, I wish people would notice. I need to just vent or cry or do something, but I don't. I don't have the courage. I feel like I need to be strong all the time. At this moment, nothing is really bothering me (besides the song) in the way that I want to scream and cry. Crying can be refreshing. It could be over a stain on the carpet or a family member dying. Either way, if you need to, do it. I dare you.
Point of view 2:
Don't give up.
It's not worth it.
You can get through anything.
Don't be afraid.
It will be over soon.
I see this as a troubled time, like a depression or a break up or or a job loss. "No boy is worth crying for, and the one who is won't make you cry." I just had to add that. In this view, it's a great song with an uplifting spirit. It says, "You can do it. Everything's going to be alright." This view makes me like it. :)
That is all.
2.11.2010
My friend complains at lunch everyday.
She says it's boring because we don't talk.
Everyday, I tell her to live in the moment, think, or pray.
Eavesdrop. Anything. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of living life to the fullest.
To me, it's just being completely happy with the way things are.
She doesn't just go through the halls singing or skipping.
She used to try to make me stop when I did, but she soon learned that I can't be controlled.
I'm not afraid of what people think. I pretty much want them to think I'm crazy. X)
She says it's boring because we don't talk.
Everyday, I tell her to live in the moment, think, or pray.
Eavesdrop. Anything. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of living life to the fullest.
To me, it's just being completely happy with the way things are.
She doesn't just go through the halls singing or skipping.
She used to try to make me stop when I did, but she soon learned that I can't be controlled.
I'm not afraid of what people think. I pretty much want them to think I'm crazy. X)
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